I am not ashamed of my depression. I am, however, ashamed of what it stops me from doing at times. Today, I should be at work but I know that my day would be better spent resting, recharging, and centering myself. There is always a twinge of embarrassment when I text my supervisor and let him know that, once again, I need some sick time. Many of my friends have an insane number of sick days stored up- I fear the day when I run out of hours because of the doctors appointments or days like today when I can’t get out of bed. I am terrified that people think I am lazy or incompetent- a bad employee. This is what depression does to you- it stops you from doing what you love and then piles on the guilt, embarrassment, and shame.
Some days depression is going to win, but that is okay. Sometimes losing a battle brings you one step closer to winning the war.